Surrounded
by seaofheather
Summary: Hitomi writes a series of love letters to Van.
1. Verse 1

Hitomi writes a series of love letters to Van. Based on the lyrics to Surrounded by Chantal Kreviazuk.

Disclaimer: Escaflowne and its characters are owned by Bandai/Sunrise. Surrounded and its lyrics are owned by Chantal Kreviazuk. I do not make any profit from this story.

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_I was there when you shone as bright as Bethlehem from afar__  
I was there when you were young and strong and perverted__  
And everything that makes a young man a star__  
Oh, you were a star_

_I was there and I swear to God and on my mother's grave  
On everything I have or ever will embrace  
I was there and I saw it with my own two eyes_

_And now it's all around me, it's all around me  
I'm surrounded  
And now it's all around me, it's all around me  
You surround me like a circle_

***

Dearest Van,

How long has it been now since I came home? I lost count long ago. Every day fades into the next and everything is the same. I miss being surprised with something new and different every day. It is so hard for me to get used to this routine that was once my life.

I tried to tell people, you know. They laughed and told me it was a dream. But I know with my whole being that it was not just a fantasy. I remember everything far too clearly for it to be a dream. It was so real. I could smell things. I could taste them. I could touch them. No dream allows for all of that. And no imagination is capable of creating the things I saw. Not while I am asleep, surely.

And I remember you. No dream could explain away the feelings I have for you. You stand out so vividly in my mind. Yours is the brightest image, the loudest voice, the clearest face. My young king. How conceited you were! So very self-important. Assured of your celebrity. But, thinking back, I think I loved you all the more for that reason.

Sometimes when I am alone I close my eyes and think about you. Your world surrounds me and I feel like you are with me. I imagine that the light will pick me up and bring me to you again. Maybe someday.

I love you with all my heart.

Hitomi


	2. Verse 2

_I was there  
Come on, tell me I wasn't worth stickin' it out for  
Well, I was there and I know I was worth it,  
'Cause if I wasn't worth it that makes me worse off than you are_

_It's all around me, it's all around me  
I'm surrounded  
You know it's all around me, it's all around me  
You surround me like a circle_

_But don't you lose sight of me now  
Don't you lose sight of me now_

_***_

Dearest Van,

Do you remember rescuing me? I remember. When you carried me in your arms. When your beautiful wings lifted us both. I am still amazed at all the risks you took for my sake. It seems now that I was always in some sort of trouble. I sometimes wish I could apologize and promise to take better care of myself from now on. But I hope that if you had another chance you would do it again. I like to think that you loved me enough. I like to think that I was worth it.

Sometimes I get angry. I wonder why you haven't come for me. I wonder if you have moved on with your life and, if you have, why. Am I worth waiting for? If you knew that I would come back some day would you wait for me?

Can I come back?

I often think about when I left. When the light surrounded me and carried me home. I remember watching you for as long as I could. How long did you watch me being carried away? When did you lose sight of me? I sometimes think that maybe if we had been able to keep eye contact a little bit longer then I might still be with you. But in my heart I know it is feeble hoping. I know I shouldn't torment myself with moments passed. Do you think of the same things? I wish I could ask you.

With deepest love,

Hitomi


	3. Verse 3

_'Cause I was there  
When they dropped the bomb  
You know I remember the bomb  
And I still hear the bomb  
And I still fight the bomb  
You know I still fear the bomb  
You know I still hate the bomb  
Sometimes I still get the call_

_So don't you lose sight of me now  
Don't you lose sight of me now_

_You know you're all around me,you're all around me  
I'm surrounded  
You know you're all around me,you're all around me  
You surround me like a circle_

_***_

Dearest Van,

Sometimes I think about war. I think war is the same no matter where you are. Just as horrific, just as destructive. So many lives changed forever. Every time you went into battle I was so afraid I would never see you again. At night I sometimes wake up with tears in my eyes and the sound of bombs ringing in my ears. That awful war is what sometimes makes me wish I had never gone to your world at all. But then I remember you. You make me think that maybe it was worth it after all.

There are wars here, too. Many wars in my world. There are many people that fight in the wars and still others that fight against them. I have chosen to fight against them. I suppose I could thank you for deciding this path for me. Having lived through one war with you I know that it's something I never want to experience again. I wish that no one would ever have to experience such a thing. And sometimes, when I am wishing, I hear you whispering in my ear. I hear you calling me. Is it real? Are you really calling me? I wish you would come for me.

I saw you that one day near the train station. Do you remember? But I quickly lost sight of you. I wish that I would see you again sometime. Maybe next time, if I keep my eyes on you long enough you might not disappear. But here I go again, torturing myself with things that might never happen.

Maybe someday you will come for me. I desperately hope you will. I dream of a day when you will enfold me in your arms and the light will surround us both and carry us to where we can be happy together. Hoping is all I can do for now. And so I hope. Here I wait, surrounded in my memories of you.

Your truest love always,

Hitomi


End file.
